that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bang-toberfest begins!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
