And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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