I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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