dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
