So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
