Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
