marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
