I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
