i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
