On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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