Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
