Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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