Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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