you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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