When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
