I faked an abortion last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
