obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
