well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
