Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
