we have officially lost it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
