that's an acceptable place to lick
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
