im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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