Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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