I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
