Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

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(805): View more from California

He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

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(713): View more from Texas

He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

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(260): View more from Indiana

how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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(212): View more from New York

She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up

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(319): View more from Iowa

Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?

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