Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
