I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
