so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
