i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
