I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
