i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you would pick up someone in the library
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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