Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
