she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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