"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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