I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Alive.
So much puke
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
