allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My ass is underappreciated
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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