I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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