Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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