I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
