Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
