Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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