Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
