I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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