ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
