We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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