My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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