Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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