How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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