i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
