Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
