why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
