I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
