there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Boobs speak an international language.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
