TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
