I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
