By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
